I Don’t Have A Plan

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

That question used to be so easy to answer.

Where do you see yourself in five years?

That question used to be so easy to answer.

Before life became unpredictable, I always knew where I wanted to be in five years. High school. College. Working. Married. The specifics can change, but there is an outline your life seems to follow for the first 20 years.

I came to college thinking I had a plan. But as I look deep into the eyes of my senior year of college I suddenly realize

I have no idea where I am going. 

The thing is I care so deeply about the things I’m doing right now, and I don’t know what to do when I’m no longer doing them. What can I do with a heart for students when I’ll be 20 with a PR degree? Can God still use me to work with college aged students when I’m still college-aged myself? What about PR? How do I implement my degree in the next phase of my life? Will I find a job that aligns with my strengths and training? And what about my friends? What happens to these precious relationships when I won’t be there 24/7 to grab lunch or study?

The next five years are a complete mystery to me. And that is the scariest and most exciting place to be.

I finally don’t have a plan. That means that I get to totally rely on God to open the doors He wants me to open. My life is now a constant prayer where I am seeking Him and His will for my life.

This means it’s time to listen. It’s time for me to close my eyes and practice what I’ve been preaching.

It’s time to trust Him.

For the deadlines, the applications, the opportunities. Knowing that He is in it all and I am simply a vessel. And what a blessing that is! To know that God is in control instead of me, the person who once whole heartedly believed she was destined to be a Disney channel star!

He has done a great job of getting me here. This semester has been a testimony of how great things can be when I let God do the planning. Things always go better when I ask God  instead of tell God. Now all I can do is still my little planning heart and come to peace with the phrase,

I don’t know, but God has a plan. 

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